What Happiness Looks Like (Promises) Read online

  Dear Dayna

  Mrs. H has a crazy idea. She thinks I could go to college. She used to be a school counselor, so she should know about these things. Maybe she forgot about all of my D’s and F’s. I do think maybe she’ll pay for you to go to college someday and hopefully you’ll try harder in high school than I did, so you can get in. I think I’ll go with Mrs. H to look at the campus, only because I’ve never been anywhere outside of Foxworth.

  Lily

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  JOELY

  Joely stood shoulder-to-shoulder with Dalton in the back of the Foxworth Elementary auditorium. Anna and Ryan sat up front with all of the other kids in Lydia Berner’s class. The show was the last activity of the day, so the parents who were early for pick up were waiting to take their children home.

  A young man in a top hat, pinstriped jacket and jeans stood in front of the faded curtain. “How many of you believe in magic?”

  “Me! Me!” The kids cheered and clapped.

  The man ran his thumb and forefinger along the brim of his hat. “How many of you would like me to stop asking stilly questions and get on with the show?” More clapping and giggles. The magician pushed up his sleeves. “I’ve always wanted to travel around the world.”

  Dalton leaned toward Joely. “Sounds like my ex.”

  She studied him, wondering what that meant. It had sounded so negative. A moment later her focus returned to the magician. He appeared to cut and re-attach a rope together. Everyone clapped and some whispered, “How’d he do that?” The magician put away his props and reached inside a black bag. “Now let’s go to China.”

  Dalton lowered his voice. “No thanks.”

  She checked on Anna still sitting near the front, turning and sharing a laugh with Ryan. The magician held up three metal hoops. Catching Dalton’s eye, Joely gestured toward the door. “Want to step out?”

  He followed her into the quiet hall, careful to ease the door closed. “Sorry. I’ve never understood why anyone would want to leave the US—land of the free, home of the brave.”

  She adjusted the strap of her macramé purse on her shoulder. “Seriously? Have you ever been out of the country?”

  He shook his head. “No.”

  “But this country is only a little more than two-hundred years old. You don’t realize how young we are until you go to another country and see its history. You should go to Paris. Every place you look, you see history and art: its cathedrals, its bridges, its palaces. We don’t have any palaces in America.”

  “So?” Dalton leaned his back against the tile wall, bending one knee. He hooked his thumbs through his belt loops, looking like the Marlboro man. “My ex always wanted to travel. She was never content with where we were. She dragged me to foreign restaurants, listened to the Spanish radio station and insisted on renting films with subtitles. It was annoying.”

  Joely looked him in the eye. “She sounds like she wanted to escape.”

  He stomped his boot. “Yeah. She wanted to escape me.”

  “I’m sorry. I meant that. . .I don’t know what I meant. I don’t know anything about her or what went on between you two. Just because someone wants to experience a different culture doesn’t mean they’re discontent.”

  He rolled his eyes. “This is America. Love it or leave it.”

  Ah. Their first real difference of opinion.

  KATE

  Kate and Lily took turns pushing the stroller across campus. Kate had asked Mitch to watch Dayna, and he’d eagerly agreed, but once again Lily had insisted the baby come with them. Mitch had given Kate an “I told you so” look and she hadn’t had time to deal with it. They were already late because Lily had been busy playing on the Internet.

  About twelve other people joined them on the tour—all adolescents with their parents. All of the teenaged girls had immediately converged around the baby, oohing and aahing. Lily had stood there with her arms crossed, probably thinking that these preppy, goody-two-shoes girls never would’ve spoken to her in high school. She was right.

  “What’s her name?” a girl with a tiny rose tattooed on her wrist asked. Lily answered and the girl exclaimed with glee. “Dayna? That’s so pretty.”

  “She’s named after Dayna Jurgens from The Stand. She was tough, realistic and practical. In order to maintain control over her own destiny, she slammed her head through a window and cut her jugular.”

  Giving Lily a disgusted look, the girl recoiled and moved closer to her family.

  Why did Lily always scare people away? Although it was interesting to learn how Lily had chosen Dayna’s name. Kate wished they talked more, but Lily stayed hidden in her room or took off all the time.

  A moment later Kate bubbled with excitement strolling past a large lawn where students sat under 100-year-old trees reading books and talking about their futures. A triangle of boys tossed a Frisbee around. College had been such a happy time for Kate. She’d escaped her domineering Aunt Suzy’s house, fallen in love with Mitch, and realized that once she graduated, she could make a living helping people. College made it possible to forge a different path than the one you’d come from. If Lily could do this, she’d be able to provide for herself and Dayna. She’d no longer need to sleep with guys who didn’t care about her just so she could have a roof over her head. That was no way to live and it was certainly a horrible environment for Dayna to grow up in. They both deserved better.

  Dressed in ripped jeans and a black T-shirt, Lily didn’t even try to stifle her yawn as the tour guide described the number of volumes in the school’s library. At least she’d worn her red hair down, covering the “Hate” tattoo across the back of her neck.

  When Lily tried to get the stroller through the door to a lecture hall, she grew frustrated and kicked the doorframe. “I’ll wait outside.”

  Kate tensed. “You’re the whole reason we’re here. Let’s leave the stroller and carry Dayna in.”

  Lily shrugged and unlatched the belt that held her infant in place. She hoisted the little bundle onto her shoulder and followed the group inside. Kate rushed to open the next door for Lily. They all stood inside a large room with stadium-style rows of desks. Kate had spent plenty of hours sitting in lecture halls like this. But she heard the high school seniors on the tour whispering, “Wow. It’s big.”

  The tour guide wore a pink Tech College sweatshirt with her streaked blond hair up in a ponytail. She talked about the up-to-date technology, the computer labs, and what kind of classes might be held here—intro to communication, freshman English, Psych 101. Lily made funny faces at Dayna. Kate’s temperature rose. Pay attention, she wanted to shout.

  Mumbling broke out amongst the parents and students. The tour guide climbed up a step and clasped her hands together, trying to regain the interest of the group. “We have some really fun classes here, too. Our restaurant management program offers wine tasting, you have to be twenty-one of course to take that. We recently added an English class all about Stephen King.”

  Lily’s head snapped up. Her brown eyes darted around as if searching for confirmation on what she’d heard.

  Pony-tailed girl gestured toward the large screen hanging in the front of the room. “First the class reads the book, discusses it, and then the professor shows the movie version on the screen there.”

  “I think I want to go back to college,” Kate whispered to Lily.

  Lily didn’t respond, but something in her demeanor changed. She no longer slouched and she no longer acted as if she and Dayna just happened to be walking behind these other people, but had nothing in common with them. On the way out of the building, Lily even picked up a copy of the school newspaper from a stack by the doors.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

  JOELY

  Joely didn’t think there was anything more precious than a little girl dressed in a ruffled swimsuit. Except maybe that little girl’s tiny hand surrounded by the long fingers of her dad. As she followed Anna and Jake into the hotel’s pool area, the smell
of chlorine assaulted her nostrils.

  “Are you going swimming, too, Mommy?” Anna asked, wearing the pink and white striped swimsuit Joely had bought on clearance last season. Even buying everything on sale, she’d almost worked her way through her savings.

  “No, I’ll sit in the hot tub and watch.” Joely didn’t know how to swim. Her guardian, Aunt Suzy, had refused her and Kate lessons when they were growing up. Joely had always regretted it. Like summer camp, learning to swim was one of those things you did when you were a kid and if you missed out, well, too bad.

  Jake peeled off his T-shirt revealing a toned chest. Apparently, he’d not only decided to maintain his clean-shaven face, he’d continued maintaining his body, too. Back in college, she’d sometimes gone with him to the gym, watching him lift weights while she did her homework. She usually didn’t get much work done. Now Joely blinked, trying to distract herself from his raw masculinity.

  He placed his shirt on a lounge chair next to the white hotel towels and faced Anna. “The hot tub will help your mom’s joints so they don’t hurt so much.”

  Jake really had done some research on lupus. Surprising. Joely slipped into the round circle of water about ten feet away from the indoor pool.

  Clasping the silver rail with one hand and Anna’s hand with his other, Jake walked down the steps into the shallow end. They both moved slowly, shivering as their bodies adjusted to the water temperature. They had the place to themselves, so Jake held Anna under her arms and pulled her across the pool without needing to watch for other swimmers. Anna splashed and kicked and squealed with delight.

  Joely stared at the two of them for a long time, loving the image. She wished she had a video camera.

  Eventually, though, her thoughts turned to how she had handed out plenty of business cards, but no one had called. A few people seemed interested, asked her how much she charged, then tucked her card away in their wallet or pocket.

  Tomorrow she would meet with the manager of the Artist’s Café. Hopefully that would lead to something.

  A woman in a yellow bikini, with the flat belly and curves of a Victoria’s Secret model, walked into the pool. She said something to Jake that Joely couldn’t hear. She twirled her hair up into a bun, secured it with a barrette, and licked her red lips. Joely cringed. She’d forgotten about Jake’s effect on women. How they were drawn to him, leaving Joely to feel as if she were never enough.

  While they chatted, Joely kept an eye on them. After a few more minutes Jake nodded toward Joely and the woman’s eyes followed the invisible line he drew. The woman with the killer body sized Joely up, made a funny face and then started swimming laps, careful to keep her head above the water. Probably didn’t want to mess up her hair. Joely rolled her eyes.

  Then Joely studied Jake some more. They now had to stay on one side of the pool. He seemed to be giving Anna instructions, how to reach big with alternating arms, slide her thumb up her side and reach again. He supported her torso and encouraged her to practice. “Kick your legs! Kick!” his voice echoed.

  When Anna focused on keeping her legs straight, her arms curled into doggy paddling. When her arms stretched long as they were supposed to, she bent her legs.

  Joely suspected that with more practice, Anna would eventually figure out how to combine the two. Maybe she should sign Anna up for swim lessons. Add that to her already too-long list of motherhood “shoulds”.

  # # #

  The phone was ringing when they walked into Jake’s room. He answered it and handed it to Joely.

  “Did you forget?” Kate asked, sounding frantic.

  “Forget what?”

  “I bought tickets so I could take Anna to see the theater’s production of Wizard of Oz. It starts in an hour.”

  Anna checked out that movie from the library every chance she got and she sang “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” whenever it started to sprinkle. Joely needed to make this outing happen for Anna’s sake, as well as Kate’s.

  Joely closed her eyes, berating herself. “I did forget. Why don’t you grab a dress out of Anna’s closet and some tights and bring them to the hotel? The theater isn’t too far from here. You might be a few minutes late, but you shouldn’t miss too much.”

  When Kate knocked on the door forty minutes later, Jake went into the bathroom to avoid a scene. After Anna left for the play, Joely gathered up her stuff. She folded the casual clothes Anna had left on the floor and stacked them on one of the beds covered with a plush white comforter. She’d noticed before that the eight hundred thread count sheets and the down-filled pillows were all listed in a nearby brochure, for sale at exorbitant prices.

  She scanned the rest of the room for anything else Anna might have left behind—a Froot Loop bracelet, her mini telescope, an astronomy book—all things Joely had discouraged her from bringing in the first place. Anna, though, liked the way adults applauded when she read aloud and desperately wanted to read to Jake. Joely had warned her she’d be sad if she accidentally forgot something. Hard to say if a maid would put a child’s toys in the lost and found or the trash.

  When Jake walked out of the bathroom, he smelled like her favorite cedar-musk cologne. Funny how a scent could transport you back in time. When she’d first taken in this scent, she’d been young, healthy and more than willing to take a chance on love.

  “You seeing anyone?” he asked, sitting on the bed.

  She faced him, but didn’t take a seat. “Boy, you don’t beat around the bush. Yes, I am. What about you?”

  His mouth pulled to the side as if it were a ridiculous question. “No. Are you two serious?”

  Dalton kept bringing her turkey and Brie sandwiches for lunch even though she said she didn’t have time to eat. He kept calling her into his office pretending to have a question about the mural in order to sneak a kiss. He kept lamenting how much he was going to miss seeing her every day and he often commented how Ryan and Anna got along better than most brothers and sisters. “He’s someone I can see myself with for the long-run.” This was the first time she’d articulated the thought forming in the back of her mind.

  Jake crossed his arms. “What makes you think that?”

  “He’s been married before and he’d still be married if it were up to him.”

  His eyes narrowed. “What would you say if he asked you to marry him?”

  Joely plopped her behind down on the bed across from him. “I don’t know. I’ve been feeling for a while that it’s time Anna and I move out of Kate and Mitch’s house. I can’t really afford a place by myself.”

  His forehead squeezed together, disapproving. “I’ve told you as soon as my house sells, I’ll be glad to—”

  She cut him off. “No, it’s not just about the money. I really like this guy. He’s kind and honest.” Why couldn’t she find the words to describe him? When she looked Dalton in the eye, she felt. . .safe.

  Walking away, Jake opened the mini fridge next to the desk. “I’m gonna need a drink for this conversation.” He took out a bottle of champagne and uncorked it with the usual pop. He filled two glasses.

  She wanted to explain better. “He wants to take care of me.”

  “You can take care of yourself. That’s one of the things I’ve always admired about you.”

  She shook her head to dismiss the compliment. “I thought you said you admired the way I always make the best of a bad situation.”

  He handed her a glass. “That, too. There are so many things that I admire about you.”

  Not sure what to do, she stared at the bubbles in her glass. It was Moscato d’Asti, her favorite, but she probably shouldn’t mix alcohol with her medications. Biting her lip, her head filled with “shoulds” and “should nots”.

  She sighed. “I’m trying to find a job, but that’s not going very well. Dalton—that’s his name—he hired me to paint a mural in his clinic. Now that it’s done, he said I could fill in for his receptionist while she’s on maternity leave. Maybe that could turn into something permane
nt.”

  “But you’re an artist.”

  “I have to be practical. It’s not like when it was just me and I could wait for my big break. I need a steady paycheck. And it might take a while for me to find the right clients so that I can make a living painting. Thank you again for the business cards, by the way.” It hadn’t taken her long to figure it out. Dramatic gestures were just Jake’s style.

  He took a drink. “So, do you love him?”

  Joely thought about that. What was love? An emotion or a decision? “That’s none of your business.”

  “I’ll take that as a no. Does he love you?”

  “We’ve never really said that to each other, but I’m pretty sure that he does.”

  “Yet you’re ready to marry this guy. Why?”

  “It’s just the way he is. He’s a devoted father, he arranged his work schedule so he can drive his son to school every day and he takes in strays. He’s very compassionate.”

  “And I’m not.”

  Joely took a big swallow of champagne. She, too, needed alcohol to help her have an honest conversation with Jake. “You’re different than he is. Very different.”

  “How am I? I don’t take in strays, I’ll admit that, but that doesn’t mean I’m not compassionate.” He tilted his head, raised his eyebrows, looking so innocent.

  “Jake, you care more about image than he does. You told me yourself, you love it when all the women in the room want you. I need a man who can only think about me.”

  “I think about you.” His voice lowered. “I think about you all the time.”

  Words stuck in her throat. Her heart beat furiously.

  He leaned back on his palm, sipping the champagne.

  She brought the glass to her lips, savoring the delicate peach flavor. The first time she’d tasted it was in college. She and Jake had gone on a hike through the woods and unbeknownst to her, he’d packed a bottle of Moscato and some strawberries in his backpack. When they’d found an isolated spot under a giant oak tree, he’d surprised her with the sweet, indulgent snack. “Champagne!” she’d exclaimed, sitting in the grass, draping her skirt over her knees. “Technically, it’s sparkling wine,” he’d corrected. “Real champagne only comes from the Champagne region of France. This is from Italy.” She had bitten off the tip of a strawberry and said, “Technically speaking, I think you’re a bit pretentious. If it tickles my nose, then it’s champagne.” He’d looked at her curiously, as if she were a mathematical problem he’d never encountered, but longed to figure out. Then he’d leaned her back and kissed her. She’d sighed with pleasure when he slowly slid his hand up her thigh.